Acclimating to Arkansas

*I'm trying to use "y'all" in my daily conversation...Pam refuses. I guess that's leftover from her school teaching days.

*I'm going to put the Razorback's fight song on as a ring tone for my cellular & I'll get the horn honk from the General Lee from Dukes of Hazzard on to Pam's phone.

*We thought about deep frying a Turkey for Thanksgiving but we decided we didn't want to set the carport on fire just yet.

*Haven't hit a deer w/the car or truck yet, but have come very close. We have a possum (NEVER o-possum) that has adopted us vicariously through the not-quite-trusting feral cats' food & water bowls that we keep on the front porch, which also includes an old table & 3 settin' chairs as well as the emergency generator...that's an especially nice touch.

*"All", "oil", and "awl" are pronounced just the same.

*Taxidermy is an art form.

*Ketchup is a food group.

*The last line of "The Star-spangled Banner" is "Gentlemen, start your engines."

*When our neighbor asks, "Jeet yet?", he means have we eaten dinner, which here means lunch.

We're gettin' there, y'all.

The Geez

Baybee Jayzuz Up Here In Arkansas

I've found The Baybee Jayzuz through the Betty Bower's Christian ministries.You HAVE to read her. Her take on the death of Anna Nicole Smith and the bizarre behaviour of the AstroNut is incredible. See her at http://www.bettybowers.com/nl_feb2007.html

I recently received an email from one of my favorite teachers of high school days. I went to a Jesuit all-boy boarding school in SW Wisconsin. He was one of my math teachers, a Jesuit priest, and was also, I believe, the school president for a time. In his letter he hoped that I had retained my Faith over all of these years. I haven't. I did K-through-12 in a huge Catholic environment (for the wrong reasons) & I believe that I’ve fkng prayed enough. I remember sitting in Church on Sundays w/the Mom & the Dad. Dad would either doze or snicker to himself, …or both. Mom would check out the peer-group fashions. We, of course dressed up all spiffy to make sure the Jayzuz loved us more than them poor people who didn’t wear ties! Plus, living so close to the Cathedral (The Cathedral of Our Lady of the Rosary in Duluth, MN, 1 short block away w/its grade school right across the street) I was always called on for DAILY early-shift Mass Altar Boy service (at Oh-fkng-Six a.m. And during my 6th & (part of) 7th grades, that was followed with being roped into acting as the school crossing gaurd during the next scheduled Mass at Oh-fkngSeven-thirty (which, by the way, I was fired from for hitting on a cute Blonde (5th grader—Cheryl Elliott—will never forget her!!) while a bunch of 2nd and 3rd graders crossed a hugely busy street without my protection.)

I think religions are just basically evil cults. (Just kidding, Baybee Jeebuz, in case y’all are out there…)

Here in NE Arkansas it’s 2007 but it's still way back when, when it comes to the Baby Jeebuz. The Ford dealer here, in his Parts/Service Waiting Room has signs posted saying (I am not making this up) “Talk Nice; Jesus is Here!” Well, Ole Jeebuz wasn’t around there when those fkrs charged me over a thousand bux to fix a little coolant system leak.

And you ought to hear the arguments concerning Dry vs. Wet counties (we’re dry). My comment once (not well received) was that Churches, Liquor Stores, and Strip Clubs are all the same. If you don’t like them, don’t fkng go to them. I’ve NEVER walked by a liquor store where something snared my arm, yanked me inside, & made me buy stuff. Of course, I’ve probably never walked by a liquor store and NOT bought something. They just plain cannot see the point that w/equal opportunity, we should have the choice to go or not go, but at least have the opportunity to choose. I will probably never (outloud) suggest that Baptist Churches be closed because I find them offensive. Nor will I suggest that the Tobacco Super-Stores be shut down. …because I don’t want the small-cased “t” burning in our front yard. (Reminds me of South Park episode #512. http://www.southparkstudios.com/show/display_episode.php?season=5&id1=512&id2=77 )

These people here are pretty God-Fearing insane. Yet they smoke like crazy, while insulting those who partake of alcohol, and they can be incredibley cruel to their animals. Aren’t puppeez and kitteez creatures of Baybee Jeebuz, too?

I'm done with Jayzuz talk.

So, speaking of animals, here's a recent photo of our cat "Mike".

He’s our “baby’; he’s about 5 now. Those squares on the comforter are 9½“ x 10½“ for comparison. Last Spring he weighed in at 26.2 lbs but I think that might be shy of his current weight. He’s so big that he is unable to “clean” his “posterior” so Pam kind of doesn’t like him up on our bed, if you catch my drift. I call our comforter his “butt blotter”. Nice, huh? Hey, if y’all ever come to visit, I’ll let him sleep w/you guys!!!

Oh, and this morning he left us this.

When Pam saw it she thought it was part of his intestines. Yes, that's a 6" ruler dwarfed beside it, and, no, he doesn't bury his goodies. I think he's proud although this one is pretty spectacular. I don't think I can pinch one out this big.

Aren't animals fun?

Geez